Everything to Lose and Gain
by LadybugChild
Summary: On Hold. Sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Hi peoples LadybugChlid saying, "I own NOTHING! NADA! ZERO! ZIP! Please enjoy my first fic… and if you don't, don't read the rest, thank you

Characters are Meyers not mine!!!

Summary

What if Edward didn't get to the ballet studio in time? What if James wasn't alone at the ballet studio, waiting for Bella? What will happen to change Bella's life forever? Will she stay a human or become what she always wanted to be and lose everything? What if she lost her memories of the Cullens and everything else about her life besides her name? What if Bella lost and then gained everything?

Chapter ONE

Who's Bella?

I felt stiff… the pain was astonishing. There were different degrees of pain, but the one that caught my attention was the one near my wrist: it was burning like someone held my hand over a fire, cooking the skin for meat. I tried to scream, but something was over my mouth and I heard voices that were not familiar to me. Arms were circled all around me keeping me from screaming… I think two pairs of arms were keeping me from moving. What was strange about the arms were that they were cold and not warm like normal body temperatures? And in the back of my mind I sensed wait was happening to me, but I couldn't focus anymore… the burning got hotter and hotter and I felt suffocated by it… but as the pain became to much unconsciousness quickly over took me. They last thing before I pasted out, I remember something snarling…

****

Someone kept touching my wrist over the past two days, tracing over where the burning was the worst. I kept wondering who and why there were doing the gesture and wonder if they knew me or if it were a stranger but I thought that would be odd if a stranger was touching me so tenderly, but I always felt calm and safe. I heard doors open and close, breathing, steps, but no heartbeats, expect mine, which I thought was strange because any living thing had to have a heartbeat. So what was touching me? I could smell something wonderful and it caused my throat to burn but it passed and the feeling dulled, then I smelled something floral and sweet, I could smell the dust or whatever what was in the air. I could feel the soft sheets beneath my body and the clothing that surrounded my body like a cocoon; I could also feel the light that hitting my face. It seemed alien to me at first, but hour after hour it became part of me.

I remembered my name… Isabella, but no middle or last name. I didn't know my age, if I had a family, if I had any pets, what my favorite and least favorite foods were, my favorite color, I didn't know my likes or dislikes, I didn't even know what I looked like. I thought that maybe this person or thing will help me or even if it knew me for that matter. So I decided to let the person or thing help me if I ever woke up… The next day the "fire" was almost out of my fingers, hands, wrists, arms then it was slowly slipping out of my toes, feet, ankles, knees, thighs, and then to my hips. The burning grew hotter and harsher as it seeped out of my limbs to my torso, then chest and finally to my heart. It was strange because I could hear my heart slowly giving out and I thought this is where I take my leave out of this painful world, but I was startled because I was still breathing. And the grip on my wrist became very tight.

My eyelids slowly but surely opened and I could see the dust particles floating in the air and my eyes widened. The grasp on my wrist was gone suddenly and I sat up quickly responding to absent touch I was used to. As I composed myself I noticed how quickly I sat up, it was inhumanly fast. I made myself go slow, I looked around the room I was in, trying to find that person or thing that was with me the whole time I was "asleep". Then I saw a _person_, who was a _him_: straight honey blonde hair that went to his chin, his pale skin was littered with… scars and they looked like teeth marks it caused me to freeze because it made his appearance more powerful and dangerous, his smothering_ gold topaz _eyes looked at me relieved, and a rigid smile was placed on his beautiful face. His jaw line was sharp and thick, his high cheek bones, seemed to be only right for him, and bluish purplish bags or bruises were under his topaz eyes. His back was against the wall and he seemed rigid. He looked like a god, a beautiful god that seemed unearthly and alien in a small, white, simple room.

"Bella." His lips moved calm and even. _Bella?_ I must have looked confused because his expression changed very quickly into confusion as well. I tried to continue breathing, but it was difficult. I repeated the name out loud; "Bella?" and he stopped breathing and looked puzzled. "Your name is Bella." He said quickly, I shook my head, "My name is Isabella, not _Bella_." He stood there for a couple of minutes and fear replaced confusion at lightening speed.

"_Isabella_, do you know who I am?" he asked rather quickly but my ears caught every syllable. I barely shook my head, but he apparently saw me do the action. He was a blur as he 'walked' over to me. He was in my face and said, "Do you know who _Edward_ is?" His voice was panicky and hopeful, but that name was unfamiliar to me. I shook my head again and he literally froze. He stayed like that for about five minutes until I broke the silence.

"Should I know who Edward is?"

So how was it? Tell me please!!! And just to put you on the right track I have no idea who Bells is going to end up with so if you people want it to be a specific person review me and I'll decide but you have to hurry

You'll be my favorite person if you would kindly push the review button, thank you!!!


	2. Chapter 2

LadybugChild saying hello

Reminder: I don't own anything, thank you.

Chapter TWO

Vampire?

I could feel his breath all the way from across the room and it was very… appealing like something delicious, but not something to eat. He smiled and suddenly I smelled more _beings _that were appealing and I knew that I was going to meet more like me, the Cullen's, and I was excited about meeting the family that risked everything for me. Then I realized that because of me one of their sons dead and it made me think that maybe they wanted to get rid of me. But then Edward didn't have to save me so… but it was still my fault that he was dead. I felt like I was bottling so much emotion and I didn't express it because I was afraid that if I did someone might get hurt from my "strength" as jasper said I have. Jasper had told me everything he could think of about me, everything he knew which was very much apparently. I wanted to scream out but something held me back… maybe the old Isabella was trying to remind me to keep my sanity…

_Flashback… _

_"Should I know who Edward is?" I asked. He looked at me and it was pity mixed with every other emotion and some I couldn't name were being expressed on his face, but he quickly controlled himself and his emotions. "Yes, yes you should." He said and he was serious… no that was an understatement. _

_"Why?" I asked. He signed, "Because you're supposed to be in love with him," my breath froze in my throat and I stared at him, "Isabella do you remember anything? Anything at all?" I blinked and blinked again and I finally answered sheepishly, "I don't even know what I look like… or how old I am." He sat down in a chair, which was seated at the right side of the hospital bed, and asked, "Would you like for me to tell you?" I nodded, but an idea popped into my head, "Why doesn't Edward tell me, don't you think it would be more appropriate if the so called 'love' tells me about my-" I stopped before I finished because pain flashed across his expression in a flash but disappeared as quickly as it came. He apparently saw my confusion, "He can't…" he replied softly, quietly, and painfully, and his voice cracked. My breathing stopped again and wondered why he couldn't, was he away? _

_"Why?" I asked, but I was afraid of the answer I might get… He looked at me his head tilted to the side and his honey blonde hair brushed across his cheeks, his eyebrows lowered and knitted together, his eyes held pain, loss, anguish, and distress…it seemed that he was arguing about whether to tell me or not._

_"I shall not tell you now; it would make you very confused. But first my name is Jasper Cullen I'm Edward's brother we have seven members of our family; Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen are our adoptive parents, Rosalie and Alice Cullen are my sisters, and Edward and Emmett Cullen are my brothers," I interrupted him, "I have a feeling your_ family_ is something…different?"_

_He looked at me with no expression at all which didn't suit him very well, but replied, "Yes, we are different, very different, but that is what makes _you people _drawn to us." I widened my eyes at his words, "Then how are you and your family different, Jasper?" I asked needed to know why he acted like he belonged in a different time and place because he was very proper and he seemed… collected and well appropriate, not like the boys that would belong to this time… But what was I thinking I didn't even know what day it was so why was I talking?! _

_"Isabella, do you know what vampires are?" he asked and I was stunned to say the least that he said vampire… Vampires are not real, their just a myth… but why was the god asking if I know what vampires are? "Yes I know what a vampires are, but they're not real, they are a make believe story that was made to scary little kids." At his expression I really thought he was going to laugh, but seriousness overran his features and I thought I was going to laugh, but I didn't but I was about to when he said, "What if I told you that my family and I are the-so- called- make-believe-stories?" _

_I was going to respond by saying that he was delusional, but I never got the chance, "Isabella, I'm not insane; I am saying the full truth and Edward wouldn't want me or the others to lie to you," it was quiet so he continued, "Isabella Marie Swan is your name, you are 17 years of age, you moved to Forks, Washington from Phoenix, Arizona. Your father, Charlie, and mother, Renee, are divorced. Your father is the Police Chief of Forks, while your mother is traveling with your step- father, Phil, who plays Minor League Baseball. You are an only child and you are very curious about… dangerous things. Edward had called you a Danger Magnet and you apparently are…_

_"Over the months, you and Edward shared moments with each other which were rare for us, sense we like to keep to ourselves at Forks High School and any where else public. You were fascinated and you were not frightened, it seemed natural to you and you were unbothered by us. We were startled that you did not react to us as we imagined expect for Alice, she was very supportive to Edward while myself and the others wanted nothing to do with you. But we see now that you were what Edward wanted and why he loved you._

_"One, stormy, young, evening, we invited you to watch us play baseball… well how we play baseball. But it was a terrible mistake… we had known that there were nomad vampires roaming where we live or rather the Olympic Peninsula. They had heard us playing and started in our direction. It had ended badly and it became the game Cat and Mouse. One of the vampires had tried eating you and Edward protected you possessively and that is what the tracker, James, wanted. So it began, we tried to split you and Edward up knowing that the tracker would think that you were with Edward, Alice and I took you to Phoenix and we waited there impatiently, and frightened. One day you had a call, which was to be your mother._

"_James had tricked you into believing that he had your mother and that he would harm her if you did not go to the ballet studio and meet him there. You were fully aware that you would be killed yet you went and wanted to save your mother if you could. It didn't go as James planned you did meet him yes, and another vampire, Victoria, was been there. He _played_ his little sick game, but as he bit Edward and shown up and so James did not kill you. Both James and Victoria attacked Edward… my brother, sisters and I were not there to join or… help him. But by biting you, James changed you forever… we arrived a few minutes to late…"_

_I quietly organized everything that was said beneath his words, it only took me a few seconds, but I didn't like my conclusion. I stopped breathing again, "Are you saying that Edward… died for… me? And what do you mean 'James changed my life'?"_

_"Yes Edward died to save your life we all did not have the intention that he would…fall… he was a powerful vampire a very unique vampire like myself and Alice," he was having trouble talking about his brother, "Edward would have died for you Isabella a thousand times for that mat-" "If it would make you more comfortable, you do not have to talk about, Edward." I was a little sad for him, but I wanted and needed to know more about me._

_He nodded, "Thank you. You asked about what I meant about James changing you, correct?" It was my time to nod. "Well vampires have a type of venom that if the bite was untreated or unfinished, the vampire venom would consume the human body until it altered it into the vampire form of the human body… so your human body would stay the same and your senses and strength would expand 1000 times stronger. The side affects of being a vampire is that we live forever, the beauty we carry draws mortals attention, we never sleep, we can eat, but choose not to eat because the result is a very displeasing taste, and we don't have the use of oxygen. Some vampires are _born_ with gifts, I am one of them so was Alice and Edward… Edward could read the minds around him, but… he couldn't read"_

_I wanted to explode into tiny fits, because I couldn't be a vampire, I didn't fall in love with one either! I looked around the room and tried to remember what my normal senses were… I could see the dust mites… the rays coming from the light bulb in the lamp on the left side of me… I could smell something very delicious not far from here, and that it caused my throat to burn to grow more progressively… and my hand was at my throat trying to ease the pain…but it did not dull._

_"Alright… what do I do now?" I asked Jasper wanting to have someone to guide me through this._

AHHHHHHH… I thought that was an okay chapter, I pray that I'm not boring you to death…

Please review, thank you


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The Cullen's

The dark, spiky, haired one was Alice, she could see the future, but everyone said that the future could change so it wasn't always accurate. She was the first one who ran into the house and ran over to me and gave me a big hug. But Jasper pulled her back and shook is head, and she was confused but she listened. The others walked in slowly some more than others.

One was beautiful, but they were _all_ beautiful, her name was Rosalie, she stayed away from me so I supposed that we didn't get along quite well. The one that stood next to her was Emmett, he came in second, he was the cocky one I could tell, he was a 'man' there was no doubt. The next two that came through the door and knew that they were Carlisle and Esme, she walked over to me and hugged me gently then walked back to Carlisle. It was quiet until Jasper said, "Isabella this is our family." And then everyone in the room knew why Jasper had pulled Alice away from me, from what he said. It was strange knowing that this family knew me yet I didn't know anything about them, but what they were and what they did for me, it made me felt guilty. It was quiet and I didn't like it, but Carlisle said, "Jasper may I speak with you for a moment?" I looked at Jasper; he nodded and met Carlisle at the door as they walked soundlessly out the doorway.

Then Alice slowly walked over to the right side of my bed and she cautiously took my hand in her, her smile was timid at first, but when I squeezed her hand her smile broke out into a genuine smile and I smiled back. Then movement caught my eye and I looked over at Esme as she walked over to the left side of my bed and smile it was pure motherly and it made me relax even more. "Hello dear, how are you feeling?" she asked. I smiled and murmured, "Good." "Isabella, is there anything you need?" Alice chirped, I was thoughtful for a moment and I looked down and saw that I was in a hospital gown and I frowned. I looked up to see Alice's gaze, I smiled and said, "Do you have any clothes." She nodded and grabbed my hand tighter and I had the sense that she wanted me to get out of the bed. Esme pulled the covers back as I swung my legs off the bed and they met the floor and I stood up… inhumanly fast, again.

"Don't worry you'll get the hang of the speed and we'll work together at being slow." Alice smiled. She walked me out of the room while we left the others in the white room. I looked at the house as we went through it… It was big and open and it shocked me because I didn't suspect this… but I didn't know what to suspect where vampires live.

She led me up the steps rather quickly and turned to the right and pulled me through the third door on the left. I was shocked to say the least that the room was open and had light pastel colors; the light green on the walls were simple but elegant and it seemed to fit the family… the white couch was in the left corner of the room while a dark desk was facing the two huge windows that gave us a beautiful view of the mountains and the tree tops. There was a darker green wall the held two big wood doors and I suspected that to be the closet. It looked small and clean, but I was wrong when she opened the doors and the closet was bigger than the room we were in.

She pulled me into the walk-in-closet and she dropped my hand as she went around and looked at the clothing at her vampire speed, but I could see every detail she was doing and it was clear and very elegant. She looked up at me and caught me staring I looked away embarrassed, "Oh, Bella don't worry, everything will be fine and don't worry…" She was smiling at first, but she looked away and frowned she was focused on something else and it seemed she was trying to convince herself more than me.

I wanted answers, but I wasn't going to push my way and hurt them by getting what I wanted. I couldn't think of anything else to say, "I'm sorry, Alice." Her head snapped up and it looked like she wanted to cry and seemed that she wanted to but something told me it was impossible for vampires to do things humanly. Her expression made me look away and I could feel pain, antsy, confusion and she looked tortured.

"Bella-" she began, but I interrupted her, "Why do you call me Bella? Jasper did the same thing when I woke up, but do you call me that?"

She looked hurt, "You didn't like your name and you preferred Bella instead." I signed, "I'm sorry for what you and your family went through and I'm sorry I can't remember… it makes it worse that I can't remember anything." Alice forgot the clothes and walked over to me and hugged me she was tiny but compared to my small height we were almost the same height. The contact felt good and it was needed. She pulled back with a smile, but it was a smile full of sadness and she murmured, "Let me find you some clothes and then we can talk… so we can _all_ talk."

I nodded and she walked back to the closet keeping herself busy or trying to. I looked around and the room and saw the one thing that actually caught my attention: Pictures.

I slowly walked over to the wall and desk to see thousands of pictures. It was mostly of the family, but there was one face I didn't know and it was painfully beautiful… This was Edward, the Edward I _was_ in love with… He seemed tired like he wanted to give up… His face was beautiful, angel like and it seemed dangerous all at the same time. It came to me that we shared likes and dislikes, ideas, wantings… feelings. I felt my chest tightened and I gasped out in pain and I felt my knees go weak and I slid to the floor, clutching the picture frame.

I couldn't hear anything or smell anything for awhile and it unsettled me, but then I felt a hand over my face and shoulder and my trance was broken.

I looked up and saw Jasper and Alice in my face both expression full of worry and confusion. I Looked at both and noticed that I was still on the floor and stood up when Jasper stood and held out his hand quickly, I took it and he bombed me with questions, "What happened? Are you alright what did you do?"

I felt overwhelmed and his questions stopped, he looked at Alice and they stared at one another for a moment before, she took his hand and they both looked at me, "When you are finished getting dressed, please come down stairs. The family is going to have a meeting." He let go of Alice's hand and left the room quietly and quickly. I looked at Alice as she looked at me she had a worried smile on her lips and her voice was shaky as she spoke, but it was still graceful, "Well you gave us a scare," I pulled my eyes away embarrassed again, "Now lets get you dressed, I know you don't like "big" stuff so I picked out something simple, but beautiful." This time when I looked into her eyes and face… it was happy so to speak, but it held so much guilt and pain. I mimicked her emotions.

She pulled me over to the couch and laying on it was a light blue dress, it was made of cotton, but it was beautiful, they were white jeans and they looked tight and skinny, a white shirt, and dark brown flats. As Alice's helped me out of the hospital gown I noticed I had something in my hand and I pulled it up and saw that it was the picture of _him_ and I held back the gasp and laid it down softly on the couch and I noticed Alice looking at me as she pulled the white thin shirt, that stopped and my forearms and the were loose and flowed, and then pulled the light blue dress over my head. It reached my pale thighs, she handed me the white jeans and I slowly pulled them on thinking that they were going to be to tight, but they reached my hips and the snug feeling was comfortable.

She plotted me down on the couch and grabbed my foot and placed the flats on it, I looked up at her and she seemed to be concentrating hard, I smiled, "I can dress myself Alice." I smiled at her but it was a smile one, but she smiled back and whispered, "I know, but its habit." I froze and so did she, but a small nervous laugh escaped her lips and I felt relaxed… only a little bit.

She stood up and smiled down at me pushed her hand out for me to take and I took it. We walked down stairs and we were met by the others; Esme and Carlisle in front, Jasper behind them and Rosalie and Emmett in the back. Jasper passed Esme and Carlisle and took Alice's hand and we continued walking. The others walked into the large living room and we all sat down.

I sat in between Alice and Jasper, I always felt reserved when Jasper was nearby and Alice, from they way she acted toward me was obvious that we were close and hopefully will continue to be that. Esme and Carlisle sat in the love seat, while Rosalie and Emmett sat in another love seat while Alice, Jasper, and I sat on a white couch. I could hear breathing and I could feel all eyes on me and it made me anxious, but then I felt calm again… I looked at Carlisle and he nodded, "So Isabella what would you like to know, but if we cannot give you everything you ask we apologize." I smiled and replied, "Thank you."

I thought long and hard at what to ask first, but so many questions popped up that my mind was heavy from everything, but something stood out and I knew somewhere deep down that this was going to change my life forever, but I think it already changed my life the moment I met them… the exact moment I moved here to Forks, Washington. And I was ready to experience to the change… ready to move on in this life, but most importantly ready for everything…

I was ready to ask questions…

I was ready to know the truth…

I was ready to be told…


	4. Note

Story on hold. Sorry, but I need to concentrate on one story right now. Sorry for the ones who enjoyed or tolerated this story.

-LadybugChild


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